6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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