im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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