she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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