She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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