i think i have two assholes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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