I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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