i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
