I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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