evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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