her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
