dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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