at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
