I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
