All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
