It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
