Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
