Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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