Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
high people should be assigned attendants
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
