so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
