ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
