Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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