even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
