Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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