Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
