my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
