My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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