I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your penis caused this!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
