i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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