Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
