Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
