he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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