Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
