and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
