who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
