My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
