I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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