The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
