my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
