Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
