i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
