Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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