U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
