So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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