The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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