Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
