we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
