I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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