I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
