i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
