SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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