I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
