Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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