So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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